i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
