im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
