i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
