I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
