you would pick up someone in the library
I am midnight drunk by noon
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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