The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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