i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
