Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
