Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
