I like my sex mixed with concussions.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
