did you get engaged???
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
