my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
