Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize