I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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