Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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