This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
