I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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