I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
