One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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