I just made out with a guy for $7.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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