You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My vagina just clenched in fear
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