i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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