She is in my trunk
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
