No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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