I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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