dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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