Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
