he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
