You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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