i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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