you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
