Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
not ubering you a puppy
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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