worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
