I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
