Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
