I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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