remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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