one two three fourrrrnication!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
