I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
