i need an iv and a liver transplant
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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