So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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