Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
