Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
