i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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