I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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