I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
