Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
