Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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