the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
