Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
