grandma shit on top of the toilet
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
