I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
