You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
