your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
