I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
