Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
