so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She needs sedatives and a leash
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
