Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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