bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
