New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
