Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
