Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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