I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
