you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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