Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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