if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
