He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Mom said you looked used
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She has the best kind of daddy issues
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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