3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
